Doing much better today

I am doing much better today. Actually, I am getting very, very excited. Yesterday I had to run to the Dr.'s because I had an Ear Ache. Can you believe that one? I haven't had one of those since I was about 3 years old. So of course I had to have it now because I will be on a plane for 14 hours soon. Well, the Dr. said I don't have an infection that it is probably my sinus'. I have a headache from hell that I can't get rid of but, hey, that's life.

So, we are leaving and yes, I am happy about it. I can't believe that in less then a week I will have 2 children. It just blows me away. The excitement in and around my family and friends is mounting and I can't believe how many people are waiting for Lily Rose to come home. I was at the bank the other day and all the women kept telling me to bring her in when we get back. Then my mother tells me yesterday that the people from Stop & Shop (grocery store that she goes to everyday) can't wait to see her also. It is really funny. She will be a very busy little girl when we get her settled.

Ok, I have so many things to do. I will write again later. Bye for now....

The Count Down Begins

Well, the count down to Lily Rose has begun. We leave in 4 days. I can't believe it. I am in a state of shock. Everyone around me is pumped up. I am getting lots of emails and some phone calls from women I "met" on this crazy journey and they are all excited and I am just scared s---less. I am so upset about leaving my son for 2 weeks. He is the reason I breath every minute of my day. I don't think I will be breathing for the next 2 weeks. I remember when Anthony and I got married 2 years ago. I had never been away from Joseph in the 5 1/2 years that he was born. I remember leaving in the limo for the airport at 5 am and I cried from the minute we pulled away from the curb. At one point the driver asked Anthony if he should take me back. Anthony of course told him to keep going. :) When we got to the airport, I wasn't crying as much, but boy did I look bad. My mind was occupied for a few minutes by listening to the couple in front of us on the check in line. They didn't have return tickets and neither did we. So I butted into their conversation and that's how we met Tricia and Joey. They were going to the same place we were and got married the same day we did. Well, she asked me if I was ok and I told her "not really" Well, needless to say I was a wreck the rest of the day. While on our honeymoon, everyday at 4pm I would go upstairs to call Joseph. Everyone on the beach knew it was 4 pm when they would see me leave. As soon as I would hear Joseph's voice I would burst into tears. I would try to talk to him for as long as he could stand hearing me cry and then he would say "Grandma, mommy is crying again, come take the phone". My mother told me not to call everyday and to enjoy myself. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time and we met great people. Hi Derrick and Lisa!!!!! but I MISSED my SON and it felt like my heart was in a million little pieces. I couldn't breath normal at all. We were only gone for 7 days. This will be 14 days. I doubt I can handle this trip. Yes, I know I am going to bring my daughter home, but lets face it, I don't know my daughter at all, but I know my son and right now he is my whole heart and not being with him or near him for 2 weeks will break that heart in 2. But, the reality is, we are leaving in 4 days and yes we will be gone for 2 weeks and yes I will survive (I hope) and yes we will get our daughter and yes my heart will beat for 2 now.

Please pray for a safe trip there and back and pray that my heart can withstand the separation from my baby and pray that my daughter will eventually love us as we love her.

We have our Plane Tickets & Itinerary

We just received our tickets today from Sue Sorrels. Thank you so much Sue for all your help. It is so real to me know that I can't stop smiling. What a crazy journey this has been for me. Thank God it is almost over.

Here's what will be happening when we arrive in China. We leave on 2/2/07. We arrive in Beijing China on 2/3/07 @ 3pm. Our guide will meet us and take us right to our hotel. Then on 2/4/07 we will see the Great Wall of China. At first it said that we would be seeing it by cable car. NOT!!!!! I don't do heights. So that had to change. Then we are going to the brand new Harley Davidson store that just opened in Beijing. So looking forward to that. Then we will see the Acrobatic Show that night. On 2/5/07 I was hoping to get Lily Rose but noooo, they have us down for a full day of sightseeing. Tian An Men & the Forbidden City, Hu Tong Tour (?) and lunch at local resident's house. Well, I tried my hardest to change this whole day and I told them I just wanted to get up and fly out to Changsha to meet my daughter. They told me "we had to" do these tours. I am so not happy about it. A wasted day in my eyes. HELLOOOO PEOPLE, I JUST WANT MY DAUGHTER!!!!!

Anyway, we leave Beijing that day at 5pm and get to Changsha at 7:20pm we will go to the hotel and do who knows what. FEBRUARY 6th, 2007 is OUR GOTCHA DAY. We will go to the Civil Affairs (I don't know what time yet) to meet our Lily Rose. This day will be for me the same as the day Joseph was born. UNFORGETTABLE

We leave Changsha on 2/12/07 at 11:20am for Guangzhou. 2/13/07 is her Medical. 2/14/07 is CA date. 2/15/07 we get her Visa and 2/16/07 we FLY HOME.

So that is our trip in a nut shell. Write more soon.

We have confirmed travel dates

We are leaving on 2/2/07 and returning on 2/16/07. Our CA date is 2/14/07. What a great Valentine's Day this will be. The day of HEARTS!!!!! What a fitting day, for she already has our HEARTS. I am so nervous and so excited and so nervous!!! lol What if she doesn't like me, that is what is going through my mind all day long. I know that she probably won't in the beginning and things will get better with time, but I never had these thoughts when Joseph was born. I was his Mommy and he Loved Me. Boy, am I fried. I need to get this over with.

I really want to thank all of you for your very kind words and for being there for me. Please don't leave now. This is the time I will need you all the most. I hope my computer works in China. I will need all the encouragement I can get while I am there. So, please stay for a while more. Thanks you guys.

We have a Consulate Appointment

Well, my Birthday is starting out really good. We have a Consulate Appointment set for Feb. 14th. I am relieved and it is starting to sink in that in about a week and a half I will be leaving to bring my daughter home. WOW !!!!!!!!!

Her room is done and it looks beautiful. I will try to post pictures later today. So now I have to wait to see what day I am leaving and book my flights. Today will be a crazy day for me.

I have no idea what we are doing for my birthday tonight. I know I don't want to go out, so I am sure that some family members will show up. My family can not miss having cake and coffee for someone's birthday. We already celebrated 4 birthdays so far this month. Mine will make the 5th.

I want to thank everyone that has listen to me rant and rave about not having a CA and for sending me well wishes and words of encouragement. Thank you!!!

Still NOOOO CA

Well it is 11:43 am on Monday morning and we still have no CA. My agency told me this morning that we will have to wait until March. Can you believe it? They said that it would probably be a March 5th CA and that we would leave for China on the 21st or the 22nd of Feb. I flipped out. I mean, give me a break. The coordinator is trying to still get us in for Feb. but I have to tell you the JOY is gone. As of right now, I wish I never started this. My thoughts now are, if they get us in for a CA in Feb. something bad is going to happen, because it wasn't meant to be and I am playing with the fates. Can you see how nuts I am getting? lol I am thinking that I should call my agency and tell them to leave it alone. Maybe there is a reason other then the "mistake" that is taking place that we should wait until March. I for the life of me can't figure it out though. I called the travel agent to see what the airfares would be for us to leave the end of Feb. and come home the beginning of March and I have to say they are cheaper. But she also told me that to leave Feb. 1 and return sometime around the 14th got more expensive because it's shorter notice and the seats are filling up. So basically we are screwed. Either way you look at it I AM SO UNHAPPY.

I am questioning this whole thing now. Maybe we shouldn't have taken this on. Maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe I am suppose to suffer the rest of my life. Maybe it's a cruel joke and I am the only one who doesn't get the punch line. Maybe I am the joke and this was never going to happen from the start. Who knows. All I know is that I received the Coming to China Letter with my name on it and Lily's name on it. But I CAN'T go to her yet. That is the cruelest joke of them all. Now I know why me and LIMBO don't get along.

On a happier note, Joseph made his First Penance on Saturday. I was very happy to be home for that. He was so nervous, but he did great. Friday night we went to my cousins house for her Surprise 60th B'day. Hey Nancy, we got you good. I was very down in the dumps though. Then Saturday night, my cousin Joanie made me one of my favorite dinner for my B'day. Thanks Joan, it was worth waiting 3 years for. Then yesterday, my friend Lori came over with her little China Doll Paige to hang out and have dinner with us. That brighten up my weekend. Paige is absolutely beautiful. She loves Joseph and he was awesome with her. It really made him wish his sister was home already. Our friends Joey and Tricia and their son Joey came by also. It was great seeing the kids playing together and Joseph loving every minute of it.

I have to get moving because Lily's dresser is on it's way. The crib and mirror came last week. Now her room will be complete and I can post pictures. I can't wait. So some happiness I will have today.

Please keep your fingers crossed that we hear something tomorrow or better yet that we hear something before Lily Rose is of marrying age.

NO CA TODAY

Well, I just put my call into my agency and I was told that my girl is out sick. My head almost came off my shoulders. I told the women who answered the phone that I didn't care how she did it but I wanted to know today if my CA was in. I mean, give me a break, I have my TA a week and I am really pissed off right now. I just got a call back and she said that she checked the e-mails and nothing was there. So that means I have to wait until Monday now to hear when I can leave. I am sure that most of the CA dates are full so that means I have to wait until March. What a freakin' nightmare. I really am just going to freak out now. I have been up since 4:30 am and I am red hot right now. I could boil an egg in my hand, that's how on fire I am. But, what do they care. This does not affect their life in any way, shape or form. Don't get me wrong, I love my girl that I deal with at my agency, but if she would have listened to me on Wed. I would know right now when I was leaving. I was hoping for Jan. 25th but I can kiss that date goodbye. Let hope Feb. 1st is the charm.

I think I should stop now, because if I don't I know I will say something that is not proper. Until Monday (I hope)

No News "Is NOT Good News"

You know that saying" No News Is Good News" well, it doesn't fit here. I received the best news that all International Adopting families wait for last Friday. We got TA!! It is 1 week later and I still have no Consulate Appointment. What the heck is that all about? My agency told me that they sent our request for a CA on that Friday and you sometimes have to wait 48 hours for a reply. So we figured Monday or Tuesday the latest, right? WRONG!!! I understand that Monday was a holiday MLK. So I figured Tuesday would be the day. Ok, Tuesday comes and goes and nothing. On Wednesday when I called the agency and still nothing I told them to send the request again. Now mind you I started looking into air fares again, and got some great prices. Of course they go up at a moments notice so I was freaking out (once again). Yesterday I made Anthony call the agency and they told him that there was a problem and had to send the request again. Duh, I told them to do that on Wednesday and no one listened to me. I know that I am not the "only" client they have, but I am one of the few that have TA and waiting to travel so you would think that they would at least treat me like I was their only client. I am hoping that I get that news today. If I have to go the whole weekend I think I will explode. I really don't want to be told that I have to wait until March to go and bring our daughter home. That would NOT be good news for them to tell me. Can you tell I am really ANGRY?

I have been reading that other families that got TA the same day already have their CA and know when they are leaving. So if the CA's are filling up and the New Year is around the corner, that would leave us with waiting until March. What crap. Give me a break. I should have had my CA date and my tickets booked and done. We are already packed and although I still have some last minute things to get, I can leave tomorrow. So lets go people and get me to China and back THIS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I really hope that I can come back here today and tell you that I have a Feb. Consulate Appointment. That would make my day.

We got TA

Today is the happiest day for me. We got the call this morning that our TA is here. I deleted the Limbo post because I didn't want to much negative feelings on my site. But this is how it happened.


Last night I wrote Stacey, so this morning when she called me at I believe 10:30 - 11:00 am I wasn't expecting her to say anything to me about TA's. So I answer the phone in a huff because I was cleaning my bathroom (lol). Stacey asked if I was ok and I told her what I was doing and she laughed. We said a few things (which I don't remember now for the life of me) and Stacey said "Happy Friday". I kinda made a sound like "what's so happy about it" and she it is happy Lisa your TA is here in front of me. So of course I screamed and my mother was downstairs and she was kinda screaming and Stacey was laughing the whole time. After that I really don't remember much of what I said to her or her to me. I will be calling her back very soon to go over some things.

Then of course I called Anthony and then from there I made my phone calls. We are waiting to hear when we leave. Since it's Friday, (of course everytime we need to do something or hear something it is Friday and we have to wait the whole weekend) we will have to wait until Monday or Tuesday to hear our CA date. I really hope we can get in before the Chinese New Year. It would be great if we can leave on Feb. 1 and return on Feb. 14th. The 15th of Feb. is my mothers 70 birthday and what a gift I can give her. Her new granddaughter Lily Rose who is being named after my mother (Lilly) and my mothers mother (Rose).

I am still shaking and I am still cleaning, so more to come later.....

Josep's B'day Pictures - 1/9/07

Still no TA - Just read upsetting news

Ok, someone from one of the groups I am on (one of many) just posted about new changes for the Waiting Child program. I thought that we would have heard something by now about TA's but I have to say that with this new rule things are NOT looking good for us. At this rate we will be lucky if we travel sometime in March or April. I really don't know what the hold up is for us but I guess it has something to do with this new rule. God, I hope not. I hope to GOD that tomorrow or Friday I "get the call" telling us that our TA is finally here. But with my luck I will get the call telling me that I fell into this new rule category and my worst fear has come true.

Here is what the new rule states:

Dear Families, With all of the new changes to the system at CCAA, we have just been made aware of another change that affects the Waiting Child program. Unfortunately, it seems as though CCAA will no longer be issuing TA's without first issuing an acceptance letter for the family to sign and return. It is not clear if the acceptance letters will arrive a little earlier than when you would normally expect your TA or if it will arrive around the same time you would normally begin to expect your TA. We will have to watch the upcoming groups for a while to make that determination. When I receive acceptance letters from CCAA, I will call the family/families and will overnight the letter via fed-ex for the parent's signature. I will need the letters to be signed and returned via overnight fed-ex so that they can be sent back to CCAA to await travel approval. When there is a group of families who receive their acceptance letters on the same date, they must all be sent back to CCAA together as a group. Therefore, it will be very important for families to sign and return them immediately so that one family does not hold up the rest of the group. We expect that the time frame from CCAA's receipt of your signed acceptance letters to the time that you can begin looking to receive the TA will be similar to that of the regular referral program. Right now, it is taking approximately 6-7 weeks. Understandably, this change is very disappointing to each of you who are already enduring the long, difficult wait to be united with your child. My heart goes out to you. Please do not allow the waiting and the program changes to steal the joy of this most wonderful journey to your child. When that 'gotcha' moment finally arrives, the joy of finally having your child in your arms will make this wait worth while.

In my eyes, this is the biggest kick in the teeth. I am so very angry and I am really, really tired. This is totally out of control. When we all heard of the new changes coming from the CCAA, we were told that they would not go into effect until May 1, 2007 and that for the people that had a LID already these would not be a problem. Well we are LID 8/9/06, and I guess we have a problem. It really blows my mind that my daughter is 16 months old and she has a family but she will have to sit there for the next 2 months or so without us. It's crazy. I know that I am rambling on and probably not making sense, so I think I will stop here and go hang out with my son.

Happy Birthday Joseph

Well, 8 years ago today my son Joseph was born. He is the reason I breath. He is the BEST part of me. 8 years ago today my life began. I still go into his room at night just to watch him sleep, like when he was first born. I would sit for hours and just look at him when he was a baby. I couldn't believe that I created him and I was in awe of him. It is 6:30 pm right now and this time 8 years ago major labor set in. Boy was I NOT prepared for that. I remember being in the labor suite at my hospital and the nurse's were getting ready to change shifts. The nurse that I had was a real nasty ass. I remember telling her to get out of my room. I think if I was able to get up I would have thrown her out myself. She told me to act like a grown up and deal with the pain. It didn't surprise me that she never gave birth. I got the epidural and a 1/2 hour later they had to stop it because my legs went numb. So for a 1/2 hour I was doing good. Even after they stopped the epi I was ok, not great but doable. I remember being so hungry and I wanted something to eat but they told me no. Most of my family was in the waiting room, except my cousin Gina (Lily's Godmother she was working at Old Navy and she said they wouldn't let her leave. I never let her forget that lol) and they ordered food. Since I was alone, my 2 cousins Siri and Kristi were suppose to be in the delivery room with me. My cousin Kristi was hosting her annual Dinner Party. Can you imagine her surprise when I called her and told her I was in labor. She had to rush her dinner and had to give the desert to go. Siri who is Joseph's Godmother came into the room with ketchup on her face and when I asked her if she was eating a burger she told me "no". Helloooo, you have ketchup on your face. That is an on going joke in my family now. We talk about it every so often.

Well anyway, my beautiful son was born 10:29 pm. When the Dr. put him on my stomach, he peed and it almost got me in the face. The Dr. laughed and thought it was really funny, but when he took him off of me I guess Joseph wasn't finished because he peed in the Dr. face. So it was my turn to laugh. Right after that my body went into shock. I had a high fever and I was so cold. I remember the nurse's kept putting heated blankets on me, but I couldn't get warm. In my hospital they turn the lights down low and give the parents time to bond with your baby. I was alone, with this beautiful little boy and I was shaking like crazy and freezing and crying and wondering why I was alone. Then my saving grace came in, my MOTHER. Thank god she came in when she did. I really thought that I was going to drop my son. That is really the last thing I remember of that night. I didn't see my son again until the next morning. I had a high fever for the rest of the night so they wouldn't bring him in to see me. Not that I remember anyway. The next day I couldn't move. My coxis (sp?) bone was broken. Seems when he came out his face kept hitting into it and it broke. His face was really bruised. But I survived and we came home on Jan. 11th (his Godmothers b'day) and my new life began. I haven't looked back since.

Now he is 8 years old and what a great kid he turned out to be so far. I am so very proud of him and I love him more then life itself.

Ok, we are starting the 3rd and final party for Joseph's birthday now. I'll be back in a few to finish this post.

Ok, it's 11:15 pm and the day is almost over. Tonight was a nice end to the birthday parties. My cousin Gina was here (AGAIN)(she really is a stalker) and my very good friend Nikki and her 3 kids and Anthony's cousin Maryann and 2 of her sons. I have to say my son is LOVED. He so enjoyed his 3 parties and he is loaded with gifts. I don't remember 8 being like this for me!!!! Differnt times back then. Well, I am done for the night. I hope 9 is a little less crazy.

Until next time....

Mixed Emotions

I just felt like writing tonight. I have very mixed emotions, we did not get TA today like I was hoping too. There were a lot of families that did receive TA today. I think 3 or 4 families are going to Chenzhou, which is were Lily Rose lives. My heart hurts because we were not one of them. Don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed for all the families that have received TA this last week. You would have to be heartless not to be happy for them, but everyone who is involved with International Adoption knows what I am talking about and knows exactly how I feel. What scares me the most is that the Consulate appointments are filling up for January and if we don't get to travel by Feb. 1, we will have to wait until March. Which will just be horrible. The worst part about it, is that there is NOTHING we can do about it. Not one thing. So, I won't go on and on about it. I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings....

Round 2

Ok, we survived round 2. Last night (Saturday) we had the family over for Joseph's birthday. I would say we had about 20 people here. My son had a really good time. We made him wait to open his presents and it was the funniest. I told him he had to wait until AFTER cake and coffee. So he sat on the floor in front of his presents for like an hour. Finally it was time for him to open them and he was crazy. He got a lot of good things. His favorite is the Mini Pool Table my mother gave him (it also has a top for playing air hockey). I think he was up until like 1 am shooting pool. He got up really early today and played more pool. Then we had to go and do the returns and use the gift cards he got. So, all in all he is really enjoying his birthday. The best part, his birthday is not until Tuesday. We will have a few more people over on Tuesday night and then that is it. 8 years old and 3 parties later, I think that's enough. Until Tuesday....

Round 1

Ok, so we survived round 1 of Joseph's 8th birthday. We took Joseph and 4 of his friends to see Rocky Balboa and then went to Friendly's. We went to the 5:05 pm show and I have to tell you that it was a great time to be there b/c it was the 7 of us and 3 other couples in the whole movie. The boys were really good and they loved the movie. I was a little disappointed with it myself, but all in all it was good. Going to Friendly's on a Friday night at 7:30 pm was a huge mistake. It was packed. They were hungry and noisy and Anthony and I were just ready for bed. CRAZY is the word I will use for that excursion. But I absolutely love these 4 boys that we had with us. I hope my son stays friends with them well into his life. It was a fun night.

We have round 2 tomorrow night with family. I didn't invite everyone but we have about 15 people coming to the house for cake and coffee.

Tuesday is Joseph's real birthday. So I will have a small cake just for us and I will give him his many presents that I have for him. Anthony's cousins might stop by also and one of my good friends with her kids.

There are 4 other birthdays this month. Joseph's godmother Siri's is the 11th, my cousins son's 1st b'day is the 13th, my cousin Nancy is the 21st and I am the 23rd. So it is a pretty busy month for us.

Stay tuned for more tomorrow.....

New Years Day Pictures

Grandma & Joseph
Anthony and Joseph


Me and Anthony

Me & my brother Ralph

Me, Gina, my mother & Joanie

Me and Gina

Me and Joseph

Pictures

Some of these pictures are of our very dear friends from VA Lisa & Derrick that we met on our Honeymoon. They made a surprise visit here the week before Christmas. We had a great time other then me getting sick. We went to Manhattan to see the Christmas Tree and my friend Lisa wanted to Ice Skate but the line was 3 blocks long. My son was very disappointed because he wanted to skate also. It was a great time anyway.

Then, some of the pictures are from Christmas morning. The IPod was Joseph's all time favorite gift. Thanks Grandma. He loved the Tattoo Machine. We are all sporting some sort of handmade Tattoo from "Joseph, the future Tattoo Artists"

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007

My family would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year. We wish for the New Year, Peace, Love, Health, and much Happiness.

For all the families waiting to bring their children home not only from China, but all the other countries we wish you everlasting Love.

So, New Years Eve was very quite here as my son and I are getting over being sick. My mother was not feeling well last night also. It was really hard trying to keep my eyes opened until the ball dropped. But once it did, we all went outside (I still don't know why we did that) some of our neighbors came out also and we wished all a Happy New Year and then I went inside and went to bed. Coughed all night long that I gave myself a huge headache. I still have not taken anything to help my cold along. I hate taking medicine of any kind.

My thoughts stayed on Lily Rose most of the day and night and I have to say that when the clock struck midnight I got very emotional thinking of our daughter. I can't even put into words the feelings I had because they are so strange to me. I have a daughter that I never met in person or held or touched, or kissed, but I have a daughter who will be 16 months old on Thursday, Jan. 4th. I sat in her room last night just trying to imagine her here, with her new toys, and dolls and her new clothes hanging in her closet and her freshly painted walls of the lightest pink and it broke my heart. When I was pregnant with Joseph I had a one bedroom apt. and his crib and dresser where in my room, I would sit up in bed at night by myself and wonder what this precious little baby would be like and how I would enjoy all the "first" things he would do and say and I was so very happy. I was never that happy in my life. I wondered what he would look like and what he would smell like and I couldn't wait to touch him and kiss his little face and just watch him grow each day from this tiny little person. My daughter had most of her "firsts" and someone else saw it and touched and kissed her and watched her grow from this tiny little person to this beautiful little 16 month old. As the wait for TA's is getting longer and longer, it's the other person that is still watching my daughter grow and I am still heart broken. I am grateful for the other "mother" that is taking care of our little girl until we can get to her, but it still hurts.

So, lets hope and pray that we hear that TA's are rolling in and all of us can go and get our children to try to catch some of those "firsts"

Here is to a wonderful New Year