The Count Down Begins

Well, the count down to Lily Rose has begun. We leave in 4 days. I can't believe it. I am in a state of shock. Everyone around me is pumped up. I am getting lots of emails and some phone calls from women I "met" on this crazy journey and they are all excited and I am just scared s---less. I am so upset about leaving my son for 2 weeks. He is the reason I breath every minute of my day. I don't think I will be breathing for the next 2 weeks. I remember when Anthony and I got married 2 years ago. I had never been away from Joseph in the 5 1/2 years that he was born. I remember leaving in the limo for the airport at 5 am and I cried from the minute we pulled away from the curb. At one point the driver asked Anthony if he should take me back. Anthony of course told him to keep going. :) When we got to the airport, I wasn't crying as much, but boy did I look bad. My mind was occupied for a few minutes by listening to the couple in front of us on the check in line. They didn't have return tickets and neither did we. So I butted into their conversation and that's how we met Tricia and Joey. They were going to the same place we were and got married the same day we did. Well, she asked me if I was ok and I told her "not really" Well, needless to say I was a wreck the rest of the day. While on our honeymoon, everyday at 4pm I would go upstairs to call Joseph. Everyone on the beach knew it was 4 pm when they would see me leave. As soon as I would hear Joseph's voice I would burst into tears. I would try to talk to him for as long as he could stand hearing me cry and then he would say "Grandma, mommy is crying again, come take the phone". My mother told me not to call everyday and to enjoy myself. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time and we met great people. Hi Derrick and Lisa!!!!! but I MISSED my SON and it felt like my heart was in a million little pieces. I couldn't breath normal at all. We were only gone for 7 days. This will be 14 days. I doubt I can handle this trip. Yes, I know I am going to bring my daughter home, but lets face it, I don't know my daughter at all, but I know my son and right now he is my whole heart and not being with him or near him for 2 weeks will break that heart in 2. But, the reality is, we are leaving in 4 days and yes we will be gone for 2 weeks and yes I will survive (I hope) and yes we will get our daughter and yes my heart will beat for 2 now.

Please pray for a safe trip there and back and pray that my heart can withstand the separation from my baby and pray that my daughter will eventually love us as we love her.